I never
thought I’d get a tattoo. Especially not one easily mistaken for having Christian connotations. They’re expensive and permanent, and that's obnoxious. Three things I try to
avoid. It’s why I like piercings. (Especially in Michigan: inexpensive and
healable.) But one word has not left my mind for the last year: abide. And I
like words. A lot.
In response to my expressing surprise at its presence, my friend wrote:
I’m amazed at the confluence of
“abides” in your life all at once. Wow. Sounds like some sort of message to me.
I always think of that word as very comforting and peaceful. So maybe “hang in
there” is the word, or “I’m here with you,” or both. Something like that?
I was/am
amazed too. Looking back, that’s what I needed, to hang in there. It’s what I
needed to hear: I’m here with you. She wrote that January 20th of
2014, January of what would become the most fucked up year of my life. I know,
that probably comes across as dramatic, and it is vulgar. But the year was both
dramatic and vulgar. Someday I’ll express the vulgarity of 2014 in a book that
I’ll probably never sell. Until then, perhaps “abiding” belongs not only in my
mind and soul but on my body.
I probably
won’t get a tattoo. I’m too cheap and too scared of permanence. But I’ll keep
abiding. I’ll keep hanging in there, listening for and trusting that someone
will always say, “I’m here with you.”
If you ever decide to go for it and get the tattoo, it can be my gift to you. For real. I might actually get a tattoo as well.
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